You’re About to Get Called Out, FYL.

By Jehnifer Henderson

FML is a term that keeps popping up everywhere.  At first, I only heard it from the young wealthy kids at my school.  It annoyed me from Jump Street, but I let it go thinking it was just the spouting off of an already spoiled and privileged youth. Then, a website came to be, www.fmylife.com.  I assumed it was more young men and women in the same mindset of the original offenders.  I started hearing it more and more, but still from the usual suspects.  The guy at the end of the bar donning the Ed Hardy shirt (2 sizes too small) would spout something off about how he had to go to work tomorrow and there it was, the perfect storm for a …“Fuck My Life.”

It struck me as odd from the beginning.  People would say the most mundane things or some rather funny things: “I was 5 minutes late to class” or “I walked in on my parents having sex.”  Then they would follow it up with … “Fuck My Life.”  Such harsh words for such normal life occurrences.  Sure, walking in on your mom putting it on your dad is not one of life’s more lovely experiences, but does your entire life really deserve to be cursed for one random instance?  And as for the people that say it for every little thing, grow some balls.  No one wants to hear your whining.

A few months back (note: I have been holding my tongue for months on this one) people started posting “FML” at the end of their status messages on Facebook.  “Paraguay just lost to blah blah blah, FML”.  What the fuck does soccer have to do with your life?  You are sitting on a couch watching TV.  You don’t play competitive sports.

Soon after, I started hearing it from people I knew and respected.  People I loved would say “Fuck My Life” at the drop of a hat.  I began feeling really conflicted.  I wanted to slap the shit out of them, but that would just add to the already over-escalating emotion that had spawned from something as menial as a missed movie time. One day, I forgot my camera bag at a coffee shop.  I realized and told my friend we had to go back. Upon my realization, my friend gave her life a verbal fucking and I wondered why I couldn’t at least get a “Fuck Your Life” out of her.  After all, it was my camera bag.  But that wouldn’t fit with the self-indulgent, self-absorbed mood that a good FML creates.

So, here’s what I have to tell all the grown ass men and women saying “FML.”

Stop.

When you say “FML”, you are whining.  You sound like a juvenile prig, so grow up.  Leave the self-pity wallowing where it belongs: with the angst ridden newly pubescent assholes that deserve to be too emotional.  They have overly active hormones.  You have 2.5 kids and a mortgage. Act like it.  Stop throwing fits.  People are hungry in the world.  They are trying to rebuild their lives from natural disasters and war.  No one cares that you locked your keys in your car or that you were late to work.  Plan better.  It’s not life’s fault.  It’s yours.  Instead of saying “Fuck My Life”, start saying “Fuck My Dumb Ass.”  At least this puts fault where fault is due.  And if you can pull away from the drama altogether, attempt to just roll with the punches.  Let shit go and move on, there’s work to do.