Tattoos
By most people’s standards, I was a late bloomer when it came to getting my first tattoo. Sometime during my mid twenties, I decided to take the plunge and make a lifetime commitment to branding myself. I worked on a design for weeks, maybe months, and finally worked up the nerve to let someone inject permanent marker ink into my skin. (That’s the way I see it, at least.)
Strangely enough, I hadn’t thought about which part of my body would be subjected to permanent discoloration. You’d think it was the most important part, right? I’m an idiot. So when the tattoo artist asked me where I wanted my design, I actually had to pause for a sec. I worked at a job that required a collar and tie every day, so they probably wouldn’t have been too tolerant of visible body art. This ruled out the face, neck and hands. And for casual Fridays, this also ruled out my forearms if I wanted to dress down in a short sleeve shirt. Therefore, I settled on my shoulder.
While the needle scraped at my skin, I mused over whether I made the right decision with the placement of my tattoo. I looked at the other clients in the tattoo shop and thought, “How do some of these people have jobs?” I saw a guy with teardrops painted onto his face and a lady with the names of all three of her children scrawled on the side of her neck – first, middle and last names. I remembered working with a guy who insisted on wearing long-sleeved shirts in a business casual environment while everyone else wore short sleeves. He was a big dude, so he sweated profusely. I found out years later that he was tatted from wrist to shoulder on each arm. Sweating aside, I’m not mad at him for finding a solution for covering his ink. Because of it, he remained employable. Some people aren’t so lucky.
With all of this in mind, I’ve compiled a list of jobs that you’ll probably have to settle for based on where your tattoos are located:
• Shoulder – probably one of the safest places to have a tat, next to having one on your chest. Most shirts will completely cover them without much effort. You can still have any corp monkey job that you want, provided that the dress code doesn’t require you to wear sleeveless shirts. And chances are – they won’t.
• Forearm/wrists – now we’re creeping into dangerous territory. Unless you’re working as a mechanic or another profession where tattoos are almost encouraged, you’re catching long sleeves year round. This rules out retail spots like Target and Footlocker, who usually have you in short sleeve polos. On the other hand, tattoos are almost a prerequisite for body shops or bouncers. You can still have the same jobs as above, but you’ll end up like the guy that I used to work with – sweaty and uncomfortable.
• Side/back of neck – you’ve basically made a decision to never work a white collar job. Nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t get your hopes up. If you have a college degree and visible tattoos on your neck, then you’ve probably wasted your college education.
• Hands – you won’t have a job that allows you to sit down. Think warehouse. Think movie extra. Think MMA fighter. Again – nothing wrong with tattoos on the hand. You’re just wasting your time if the job you want requires a well-formatted resume.
• Face – unless you’re a tattoo artist (and a successful one at that); just leave your face alone. Rappers can get away with it. Hell, half of them are going to jail anyway. Starbucks might get at you, but you should probably get an earplug to convince them that you’re going all the way with it.
Most of this should be common sense, but I know that’s asking too much of some people. There’s really no class on job interviewing, but if there were I’m sure that “tattooing eyeglasses on your face” might be close to the top of things to not do in order to land a job. Ask the guy who applied for office manager, but works in the basement mailroom. He’ll tell you.
-Damien Randle
